So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
