Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
