she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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