Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
