exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
