New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
