I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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