Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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