Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
