its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
