Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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