Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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