if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
