Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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