I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have aggressive nipples.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
