defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
