I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
