sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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