I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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