she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
