Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm too high and old for this...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
