weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
