i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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