so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
