I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
