I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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