Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
