if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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