Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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