Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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