I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
