oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
