All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
