I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
