She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
