he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
