I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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