I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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