you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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