Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
