why didn't you poke me back
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
