I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
