i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
