Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
