hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
