we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
