no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
