you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
why do cheetos always look like penises
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
