She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
