He uses pillows to masturbate.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
