So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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