Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
